One week of shutting up (or at least trying to)

My timeout apparently timed out after a week. A little bit too quickly if you ask Dwism:

“Here is the deal, you are only allowed to stay away until you feel that hunger to write and contribute again. Then you wait a week. Then you return.”

And yet here I am, ranting again, because after all, it’s Friday night and where’s a better place to wind down and start the weekend but here among my friends by the barside?

Back to SF fandom
So how has this week of non-blogging been? Well, actually pretty good.

I haven’t been completely silent and absent from the blogosphere, as some of you have noticed. I’ve been reading blogs and I’ve been commenting a bit, possibly more than I normally do, and I've written a number of e-mails to friends and fellow bloggers. You could call it a bit of a cheat I suppose, but even so, the fact that I haven’t written any real blog posts has had a clear impact on my life as a whole.

The week has given me a taste for what it could look like if I didn’t spend a huge chunk of it either playing or blogging about WoW. No, I haven't Saved the World and I haven't written that Magnificent Novel. Not even paid it a thought. I suppose mr Anonymous who loves to point out what a waste of time WoW playing is would consider my week utterly improductive. So many hours wasted on nothing! However: for me it was as if I had rebooted the machine and got Larísa back to work as intended.

I’ve taken up reading and I’m training more regularely again (to the dismay of my aching muscles). I’ve also reconnected to my geeky origins, the Science Fiction fandom as I went to one of the monthly pub meet-ups in my hometown. I don't say think that this form of geekery in any way is superior to my gaming activities (to refer to the discussion Tamarind had about geek hierarchies). Seeing friends IRL isn't necessarily "better" than seeing them on vent or in a chat. However, it felt like a homecoming to hug some people I've known for 25 years, but havent met for a very long time, picking up our weird, all-out nerd discussions as if no time had passed.

I may appear as a gamer these days, but deep down I can't help thinking that it's more of a temporary disguise as I'm visiting my neighbours in the World of geeks. Even 20 years after publishing my last fanzine, I'm still an SF fan at heart, even if my approach rather is FIJAGDH than FIAWOL (and long live the acronym!).

I’ve slept. Not five hours a night, but seven, which is what I need if I stop lying to myself.

My conclusion from this blogless week is that I want to get back to and maintain this balance in life. This means that there's a definitive stop to pushing out some four or five lenghty posts a week. Period. If I ever get the urge to blog with that frenzy again, I’ll do everything I can to resist it, trying to direct my energy and creativity somewhere else.

Posts I didn't write
Funny enough restricting myself is probably the best way to increase my lust for blogging. I figure it’s a bit like what the therapists usually ordinate people who need to improve their sex life. The theory is that if you explicitly prohibit them from doing it, this is suddenly all they want to do and they’ll go just crazy.

I've experienced this myself during the timeout, as I've had a number of impulses to write blog posts about all sorts of things. Posts that I normally would have written, but never saw the day as it was.

Like the 600 account cap for guilds – is it a fair measure to make sure that the servers aren’t transformed into mega zerg guilds or an unjustified act against great communities such as Alea Iacta Est?

There was also the intense discussion over at Keeva’s place about exactly how bad it is to use words like “rape”, “retard” and “gay” in the guild chat.

You’d be surprised how liberal and laissez-fair this little polite, kindhearted pink pigtailed gnome is compared to many of the voices that have been raised in the post and the comment thread!

I can definitely sign on the intention of Keeva's post and I wrote her a letter of support, which you can need when you get a ton of comments, of which all aren't that nice. My heart beats for her. And I'm all for fighting prejudices and discrimination of people with various sexual preferences and I wouldn't hesitate to speak up if someone said something obviously racist or sexist in our guild chat (not that I think it ever would happen).

But. Here comes the but. I don't think that a thoughtless use of those words, with no intention to hurt anyone, motivates warfare. I'm not convinced that hunting down certain words is the way to go if you want things to change. Or at least it's not top priority. Is it really so that the best way to disarm a word is to not use it and make a huge drama about it every time it comes up? At least in Sweden the label "gay" has been conquered by the gay people themselves, and made into a pretty much neutral word, which gives food for thought.

Maybe it was just as good that I resisted posting about it, apart from this little remark and that can't really count as a post, can it? I probably saved myself a shitstorm of serioulsy negative comments by remaining silent.

Then we've heard the news about the upcoming Blizzcon. Is it only I who find the announced program extremely underwhelming? The announcement of the release of Cataclysm could have been worth a post; after all we've waited for that piece of news for a year, ever since Blizzcon 2009. And if that wasn't blog worthy, I could have written a rant about how messy the new raid lockout system appears to me.

As If I didn't have enough of potential topics, Gnomeaggedon, the cunning mage, sent me an e-mail, giving me some clues for an easy-to-make post, as some kind of test I suppose, to see how serious I was about my timeout.

But I stuck to my decision and didn’t act on those ideas! Yay me! Very few topics will go away and if they do, there will always come new stuff to form yourself an opinion about.

Tobold wrote in a comment to my Timeout post that he felt an urge to ride off with me in the sunset. In the end he didn’t, but he has announced that he’ll blog way less than he used to, and I’ve set my mind on following his example. Perhaps we can take inspiration from each other to stay on this path and find the sweet spot of blogging, where it remains inspiring and fun and won't consume our mana?

Less posting
My decision after my timeout and a chat to myself is that The Pink Pigtail Inn will remain open for now, but that your innkeeper will be speaking up far less often than she used to. Maybe once a week, maybe even less. There won't be any set schedule whatsoever. No promises, no expecations on myself or anyone else.

I don't nourish any ambitions to be around and up-to-date with things, to take part of the most relevant discussions. Many times I'll remain silent, when I would have spoken up if it wasn't for my second thoughts on blogging, the fact that I only want to spend a certain portion of my life on it.

If this means less readers, less comments, less interaction with the community, a spot in a shady alley where few people ever go, so be it! As a matter of fact it might be for the good.

Until now I’ve had a policy where I've tried to write individual replies to at least 90 percent of the comments I get, and this self imposed goal is probably one of those things that have made me feel a bit stretched. I’ve had several good reasons – it’s a matter of politeness, it’s my way to connect to the readers, it’s my way of showing in action how much I appreciate every voice and it’s also something I enjoy.

I also prefer having a good conversation that just listen to my own voice. Many times the comments are far better than the posts in themselves and I think they deserve this acknowledgement. I've been very reluctant to let go of this habit. But it comes with a cost; it's insanely time consuming.

Maybe a slower posting will solve the issue naturally. PPI might turn into a low profiled place where just a handful of people stick to their habit, having an occasional Friday night pint, listening to the rants of an old lady and her mostly cheerful and occasionally grumpy customers. At least I’m willing to try that road and see how it works out.

And if it doesn’t, well, then I’ll write that final chapter in the story of this inn. I already have a fair idea about how it will end.

This has been a quiet week. I'm glad to be back for the time being, especially since it seems as if you've saved a drink for me. Can you please pass that one over?

And oh yes, Frosty, I haven't forgotten the note you left in the bar. This one is on you!

Cheers!