Saturday, May 2, 2009

Introducing the Bartender

Oh. Hi. I'm looking for a gnome. She's short. Ok, gnomes are short. Give me a break. And she's female. Stop, why are you looking at me like that. She has a pink pigtail. I bet that was obvious too. This is the Pink Pigtail Inn, right. Well, that's what the sign says. And that what it was called last time I was here. But the gnome isn't here, at least not right now.

Whatcha mean who am I. I'm the bartender, see. Name's Elnia. Ambassador Elnia, to you scruff. Don't look at me like that, you got a problem with Night Elves. Times are tough for us Ambassador types. What with Argent Tournament and all, any old fool can be an Ambassador now. And the Horde setting up shop with the Alliance in Dalaran...well, laws of supply and demand see. Anyway, Larisa felt sorry for me, heard I was needing a job. Can't say bartending was what I had in mind.

So what's this all about then, huh. Always asking questions, huh. A real barstool habitant aren't we. What do you think bartending is all about, scruff. I pour you a drink. I listen while you tell me all about it; then I give you my take. I pour it out, then I dish it out. Right, that's how it works. Never been in a pub where it works any differently, inn or no.

Whatcha mean you want Larisa. I want Larisa. But Larisa doesn't appear to be here right now. Have you seen a gnome. Oh shut up. A gnome with a pink pigtail, you know what I meant. That's right, Larisa is out: out of touch, out to lunch, out of her mind. Take your pick. She might be all three. But she is out; we have an absent gnome.

Stop looking at me like that scruff. Here's the deal. Here's how it's going down. No negotiations, I'm not doing that job anymore. When Larisa is not here, you listen to me. Oh sure, I'm no Larisa; not gonna try and be Larisa. But when the gnome is out, it's me: Elnia. You can of course comment all you want. Commentin' is free, though a copper or two is always welcome. Put it in the jar over there, the one that says, "tips". I AM GONNA HIT YOU, SCRUFF. It does not say tits, it says tips: t-i-t-s. Tips. Just a copper or two.

The Bartender's Take is a new feature of the Pink Pigtail Inn that will appear occasionally. The author is (former) Ambassador Elnia from USA-Silver Hand. When not pouring ale all over the customers, she can be found stalking the wilds of Northrend yelling at ninjas to keep their hands off her damn ore. Her alter ego resides in the mountains of New Mexico, USA.


Tessy said...

*puts two coppers in the jar* :-)

Kromus said...

*steals the jar*
What can i say- reccesion.

No but seriously, I was very intrested- i was looking at the post like "WHERES LARISA GONEEEE" but i really like this take. Could be very intresting. A great start anyway.

Always a risk with a new idea but if we didn't take risks individualism wouldn't take place.

I like the constistency of scruff too :).

Josh said...

It says tips! T-I-T-S!

Clear as day!

Klepsacovic said...

I am afraid of our new friend.

*places coins in jar*
*backs away*

Anonymous said...

I'll also puts my coppers...
*Looks around*

But wait, where is the tips jar?
There is _NO_ tips jar.

I know there is a paper reading tips, but it's not on a jar.

No, that's not a jar...
No respectable Gnome on earth will call that a jar...

I don't know why you called it a jar, but no, back in Gnomeregan we call that ECPA.
You get it from Larisa, right?

Of course it's safe, it safer than anything in this bar, unless there is anything flammable nearby...
*Stared at the tips note*

No way, I had to remove that note even if you pour those thingy on me. You are not only hazard yourself, but the whole neighborhood.
*Insist pulling the notes*

No one will put copper in it? you don't need to! It's a ECPA for god sake, didn't you take the general electrical class when you are a kid!?! *Looks at Elnia*

Oh, I see, you are a Night Elf...

ECPA in long form is Electrical Copper Piece Attractor, copper pieces will just zap out of people's pocket nearby without them noticing...

I am leaving but first, exchange these copper to silver for me please....

(Hope you don't mind the long joke :) )

Dallanna said...

*pays for her tab with an additional gold tip. What can Dallanna say? She likes sassy Gnomes.*

Anonymous said...

Pfft I ain't buying no beer from no NElf.

It's all that looking down they do.

I cants handle change, especially of bartenders.

Still, I like a good story, and maybe you got a few to share.

If you are looking for me I'm in my usual spot, by the fire, in the comfy chair.

Don't bother to warm my milk, I can do that myself.


Elnia said...

@Kromus. I agree with you about taking risks. It might take me a little while to find my stride but support always helps.

@Josh. or mud.

@Zekta Chan. That was really cool. Thanks. Can't help it if gnomes are short. Maybe you should dye your hair too. It helps to make the little ones stand out.

Ixobelle said...

It does not say tits, it says tips: t-i-t-s.